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In this tough economy, many of us are -- at least for now -- locked into our jobs, for better or worse. And what can be worse than having a bad boss? Our boss can and often is the single greatest determinant of happiness at work, and the person who most affects our ability to balance work and life.
A bad boss can make you sick, and likely you will take frustrations home and anyone living with you will suffer, too. We all have tough days at work, but work shouldn't make you sick. It's your life, and it shouldn't be making you unhappy. If you are working for somebody who is really awful, you can get to the point where you are so miserable that you leave. Once you leave you may get a better perspective. You may even empathize with your boss. It is important to try to get that clarity before you leave your job.
There are so many flavors of managers... The weak manager, the political manager, the black-and-white manager, the obsessive micro-manager, the invisible manager, the task master, the nasty manager, etc. etc. etc...
So how do you survive a criticizer, a yeller or power-hungry boss without having a mental breakdown? And how do you speak up to the boss to get the accommodations you need, or some of the work taken off your plate, at a time when job security is a real concern?
Here are some tips from the experts on how to cope with a bad boss, or improve a relationship in these difficult economic times:
Remember you are valued. Whether you work for a government agency or in the private sector, your employer has gone through an expensive process to get you there - advertising the job, managers' time to interview you - it is an investment and they don't want to lose you.
Confront the situation. Most of us, unsure of the best way to handle a difficult boss and fearful of losing our jobs, avoid contact or stay silent during meetings. Instead of avoiding your boss, ask to meet with him or her and talk about the problem in a positive way to come up with a solution together. This works especially when the boss feels that coming up with a solution together will be to his or her benefit.
Talking points. The key is to not confront (which implies emotionality and aggressive behavior). Confrontation forces the other person to put up a defense when he or she feels attacked. Very little communication can occur when the defenses are up. A better approach is to have a private and unemotional discussion. Approach the person with a level and respectful tone, which should enhance the probability that he or she may hear what you need to communicate. "You have to have the tone of helping them, not hurting them and you have to get control of your own emotions (before speaking to them)," said business consultant Laura V. Page. "You may have to be willing to repeat the situation as many times as it takes."
Stop verbal abuse at once.Try answering the person who is verbally abusing you by repeating exactly what that person has just said to you. It is incredible that just repeating the words aloud can sometimes show the other person how out of line he/she is.
Keep a journal of the abusive behavior. You need a paper trail. Eventually, there could be an investigation and having evidence of this behavior could really help you. You might not even remember what happened earlier today, so your journal entries could become evidence that illustrates what you had to put up with.
Be a role model. If you want your boss to do certain things, do them yourself. For example, if he or she doesn't listen well, practice active listening in your interactions. He or she will probably match your positive behavior.
Counteract overload. When the head count has been cut and the boss piles work on you, resentment may strain your relationship. Instead of taking on work and complaining to whoever will listen, calmly show the boss what you already are working on now and ask him or her to tell you what your priorities should be. Generally speaking, the boss is not going to be interested in how the workload is affecting you personally, but what speaks louder is the impact to the quality of work. Send your boss e-mails confirming the tasks she assigns to you.
Don't take the bait. Counteract your desire to cringe, huff or smirk when the boss is condescending or rude. The better approach is no reaction.
Remember your purpose. Your goal is to have a decent working relationship with your boss. Don't get caught up with every personality quirk that bugs you. If you disagree, disagree with the facts and not the person. Stick to business.
Create your own positive environment. When you can't stop thinking about your boss's mixed messages, micro-managing and condescending tone of voice, refocus. Instead of complaining and making disparaging remarks about the boss, create a positive environment by turning to peers for positive reinforcement.
Look after yourself. Sometimes when you are too close to a work situation and being bullied, the pressure starts to leave you tired and stressed and you lose confidence. Tiredness eventually gets to everyone. If you're tired you start to lose confidence. If you party all night and can't get up for work, the tiredness will affect your ability to cope with the situation.
Get your needs met. We all have our horror stories about the boss who called us while we were on vacation or refused to let us leave early to take a sick child to the doctor. But there are ways to get what you want, even in these unstable times. Consider going to the boss as a group with others who want the same thing. Also, check to see if the change you are seeking is covered by law or is standard in your industry.
Think twice about going above the boss. When interactions between you and the boss are strained and you view your boss with disgust, taking your complaints to the next level is risky, even in good economic times. Experts advise against it unless your boss is doing something illegal or immoral.
Don't openly criticize your boss. If your boss has made a blunder during a meeting, it might be better to try to limit the damage by discussing things later behind closed doors. Correcting a boss in public, or appealing to a more senior manager will make many bosses feel threatened. Let your boss be wrong. Your boss has the right to be wrong or make mistakes. Try to correct something a few times. If it doesn't work, let it go. You won't always be able to save him or her.
Share your thoughts. If you work at a large company, confide in someone from human resources. Let him or her know that you like your job and want to stay with the company, but you are no longer able to work with your manager. You may be able to get a transfer within the organization. They will ask you what you have done to remedy the situation with your boss. Documenting dialogue between you and your manager can help you remember the situations, or assist in giving the organization feedback if you leave and have an exit interview.
Take time off. How about a vacation to clear your mind, or even a sick day to regroup. Some bosses or managers may think this totally irresponsible advice... It is not. If it is a choice between taking some time out to get some distance and perspective, to think about how you are going to manage your working life and move forward, or getting increasingly anxious, depressed or ill, then taking a sickie is without a doubt the best option. However do not abuse this tactic or you could make the situation worse. And when you come back to work, be a little more aloof. Don't get embroiled in all the office gossip and politics. Become more distant so that it does not control your life.
Learn from it. Having a bad boss can provide some valuable lessons, especially if you're hoping to move up in the company or elsewhere in the industry. You'll learn which management styles work and which don't. You'll also learn sound business decisions from dealing with the consequences of bad choices.
Know when to leave. There is a big difference between a personality quirk and destructive behavior. If you are truly made to feel uncomfortable at work, it's time to look for another job, even if you love the company you're with. Don't just settle for having a bad boss.
Recommended reading:
The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t by Robert I. Sutton, professor of Management Science and Engineering at Stanford.
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